Happiness 101 Award

I don’t deserve to have a blog. Really, you all should just maul me and take away my blogger membership card.

But I get to keep the jacket right? Leather is so badass.

Last month, the lovely and talented Heather S. Ingemar bestowed upon me a most gracious award. That I am absolutely unworthy of. That’s all I’ve been able to think about. I literally cried when I read what she had to say about me because just eight years ago, I wouldn’t have even dreamed I could be where I am now.

Eight years ago, I was twelve and so painfully shy and angry and depressed and anxious and heartbroken I wouldn’t have said two words to anybody who didn’t pressure me to do so. I didn’t smile. I didn’t laugh. I didn’t like being around people. People didn’t like being around me. I was intimidating, unapproachable. I had guys in classes above me completely cowed. Not to mention some of the guys in my own class…although that was because I used to beat them up for a living.

I told you, I was angry.

Hurt people hurt people.

So for someone to grant me an award based on Happiness is somewhat amusing but also extremely empowering for me.

Because even now, I’m still painfully shy. Not quite so angry  but still pretty scared. (And fear is often at the root of anger) But usually only when I’m thinking too goddamn much. In fact, I’m pretty sure that if I took a second to stop and think about what I’m writing right now, I wouldn’t post it because it’d dawn on me that I’m afraid to share so much. To be so personal.

But this. Is. Important. Because I would have killed to have known, at age 12-16, that I wasn’t alone. Hell, eight years later, I still like to know that I’m not alone. And I never would have imagined many cool, wonderful, amazing people have gone through similar experiences and feelings, let alone being brave and kick ass enough to admit and be open about them.

I’m definitely guarded in my offline life. Upon first meeting me, people always insist I must smile more. Maybe because it helps put them at ease, I don’t know, I’m not a psychologist. I’m also not a very smile-ie person. I’m just not and I wish people would understand that but I’ve learned that people will always think what they want to.You can do and say all the right things,  and it could still not be enough.

It bothered me for so long. Until I finally learned that: “What people think of me is none of my business.”

But enough of that.

Here are the seven people I’d like to recognize whose blogs have filled me with a sense of joy, in no particular order:

1.T-Bowe and Dogg of the T-Bowe and Dogg Chronicles. – Two of my absolute favorite people both offline and on. Because they make me smile without ever making me feel forced to do so.(They count as one because they co-host the blog, ok?)

2.ThatGurlSarah of Fashion Victoria, Sinner in Dream, Will Advise for Cupcakes (which I can’t find the link for right now) and The Sin Divine because she radiates happiness like it seeps from her pores. And her random thought process always makes me smile.

3. Joely Sue Burkhart who’s the friendliest, most generous author I know and has been an incredibly supportive friend and soundboard. And whose books always make me cry but in a good way.

4. Molly Burkhart who makes quirky look kickass, has a great sense of humor, can incorporate zombies into everything, and is the most fun interviewee ever.

5.  Jenny, the Bloggess. I shouldn’t even have to explain this because she is just the most amazing, beautiful crazy person I’ve ever encountered on the net and she makes me believe that maybe, just maybe, there is nothing wrong with being who you are. And that’s powerful and scary all at the same time.

6. Bethanie of Bethanie’s Brain. Because she’s been incredibly nice to me for like no reason at all.

7. Kait Nolan. Because she’s very friendly and always makes me think, and thinking makes me happy. And she’s doing really cool things right now and watching her suceed is pretty damn cool. And she apparantly writes my book crack too.

Seven things you may not know about me:

  1. You probably already learned seven things you may not have known about me in this long ass post already but because I’m an appeaser (there’s another thing, you’re welcome) I’ll try to think of some other stuff.
  2. I’ve never been to a concert. Ever.
  3. I was born with a heart murmur at birth but seem to have outgrown it. Which I didn’t know was possible until a few months ago when I went to get everything checked out because of super secret news I’m still not allowed to be completely open about yet.
  4. I will say that it involves packing up and moving to the UK, which is exciting and scary.
  5. Because I’ve never lived anywhere other than on an island, so I’m not used to big cities.
  6. Although I have been to London before, and Monaco, and the South of France.
  7. Um…yeah, I’m not that interesting.

Seven things (not people) that make me content:

  1. Salem, Misty (May she R.I.P.), Peaches, Jezebel, and Ramses aka Lil Biddy – My cats
  2. Books, blogs, and interacting with people as weird as I am
  3. Baking, Drawing, Writing, Messing around in Photoshop, Creative endeavors.
  4. Video games, Mahjong, Mafia Wars (total addict here )
  5. Indian food, Chinese Food, Chocolate, Mystics, Coca-cola, and tacos
  6. The smell of home, vanilla, rain and sea water
  7. Boots and leather and lace~! I discovered the joy of fashion late in life (having been a self-professed tomboy for my younger years), but I’m making up for it.